17 phrases and suggestions to avoid the common leadership weakness of coming across as too controlling as a manager.
Recently, a manager told me how he’d received feedback from his team about his greatest leadership weakness. “I come across as too intense or controlling,” he admitted.
Genuinely concerned, he then asked me, “What can I do to not be that way?”
Among all the feedback we receive as managers about our leadership weaknesses, coming across as “too controlling” might be one of the most difficult to swallow.
You get that stuck feeling in your throat because, well, frankly, you feel like you need to be controlling, at times. You feel justified. After all, you just want the thing to get done! And record goes to show, sometimes it doesn’t get done. So how else are you supposed to communicate the urgency and significance of a deliverable, without coming across as “intense” and “controlling”? And who said “intense” and “controlling” should be perceived as a negative thing, in the first place?
Instead of seeking answers, becoming a better leader starts with asking ourselves the right questions.
You want the answer. The silver bullet, the trick, the hack, the leadership best practice, the new manager checklist. There’s got to be some secret point of leverage that you don’t yet know about to becoming a better leader… It has to be out there, right?
We’re obsessed with wanting to know the answer. The 1-2-3 steps to follow so we can right our wrongs and make progress faster.
Yet when it comes to becoming a better leader, I’m not convinced there’s is one. Scholars can hardly agree on the definition of leadership, alone. As Ralph Stogdill famously wrote in 1974, “there are almost as many different definitions of leadership as there are persons who have attempted to define the concept.”
We don’t ask ourselves this enough. Here are 6 critical questions to reflect on when considering if you should become a manager or not.
When we’re asked, “Do you want to become a manager?” we often assume there is only one answer.
“Oh, of course I want to be a manager.”
Right? Who doesn’t? Especially when becoming a manager is seen as the primary path of upward progression in a person’s career.
But do you truly want to become a manager? Management is not some sacred club reserved for the hallowed few. Rather, deciding to become a manager should be viewed as one might decide to become a garbage disposal collector or a parking meter attendant: If you’re doing it, you’re doing it for a reason. It’s not for everyone.
As a leader, the most costly mistakes are often the most imperceptible.
I’ve never met you, but I’m going to make a guess about you: You’re making leadership mistakes you don’t even know about.
I don’t mean to sound presumptuous (or crass!). I’m in part reflecting on personal experience – I’ve made a boatload of leadership mistakes, myself.
More objectively, I’m citing probability: Gallup’s research on millions of managers over the past 7 years revealed that companies choose the wrong manager 82% of the time. And if that’s not disconcerting enough, they found only 1 in 10 managers possess what they describe “the natural talent to manage”.
When it comes to delegating, invite your team into both the thinking and the doing.
Do you consider yourself “a doer”?
That person who enjoys doing the work, fine-tuning the details, meddling in the weeds of how it’ll all work? Then you probably have trouble delegating as a leader.
I know I do.
For so many managers and leaders — especially those of us who are used to be the person doingthe work and are now handing off the work to others — learning to delegate is, well, tricky, if not painful.